Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
