A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
