Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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