There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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