I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
