Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
