Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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