Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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