somebody snuck up and got me drunk
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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