He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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