Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
