I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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