just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
