i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
