They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
