He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
