theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
