you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
