How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
