This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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