Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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