It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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