Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Come on in and take your pants off
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
