What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
