and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i believe in u and ur pee
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
