A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
