I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
