i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it's like heaven, but drunker
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
