I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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