that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
