I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
