I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
