I wish life had little blips of pornography
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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