My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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