Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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