i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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