I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
