Non-Jews are for practice
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
