you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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