you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
