Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
