I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
