hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
