girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
