I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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