i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
