Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
