The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
