Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
