Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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