Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
