just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
