using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
