If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
