you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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