So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
